Maturity

…found here.

On Argument, Discussion, and Disagreement

  • Being able to seriously consider points of view that you disagree with. /u/Canuck314159
  • “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” -Aristotle via /u/hellothereholly
  • When you have an opinion on something and once presented with new facts you are open to changing your opinion. /u/j-sap
  • Letting conversations go before they turn into arguments. /u/TedFartass
  • Being able to walk away when you should. Whether it be a confrontation, relationship, bad situation etc. /u/monsterr101
  • Walking away from everything is also immature. I know loads of people that break as soon as any pressure is applied to them. /u/Blitz_Dat_Anus
  • There’s a fine line between quitting and knowing nothing more can be gained. I thinking the maturity part comes in knowing and accepting the difference. /u/Scadilla [+1]
  • Being able to accept that you were wrong. /u/anirishman15
  • Similarly, being able to make a sincere apology. “I’m sorry you took it that way” is not a sincere apology. /u/senatorskeletor
  • Similarly, being able to swallow your ego and apologize even if you don’t necessarily think you’ve done anything wrong. “I completely understand your point and sincerely apologize for the lapse in communication,” instead of “can’t you read, I clearly said XYZ.” Especially when dealing with customers/clients. /u/nightstryker
  • When you know you’re right but don’t feel the need to correct someone on it. /u/LilyPomegranate
  • Also, knowing when to shut up even when you’re right. /u/recipriversexcluson
  • Sometimes it’s better for an argument to never happen than for you to win it. /u/jkennedy356
  • When someone is yelling, and the other one is calmly talking. /u/cockroachboy

On Relationships, Perception, and Self-Perception

  • You don’t get upset when you are not liked. /u/sunsurf23
  • Knowing when you’re hanging out with the wrong people and actively making a change. /u/TedFartass
  • Being able to recognize your own flaws, and then work on improving them. Accept people as they are and focus on yourself, overall just do everything in your power to be a better person./u/lookmomatree
  • Not making excuses for a failure, and owning it. /u/Hellkyte
  • Having the humility to avoid needlessly talking about your accomplishments simply because an opportunity to do so comes up in conversation. /u/JasonBoring
  • Being able to be relied on instead of relying on others. /u/xepherian
  • And also knowing when to stop letting someone rely on you and when to wean them to take care of themselves. If you don’t do that, you become an enabler and you now have a leech. /u/darkplane13
  • Also knowing when to rely on others. Swallowing your pride and allowing those that truly care for you to help. /u/noahboah
  • Being able to talk about something no matter how bad it could end; not avoiding them and hoping it’ll just go away. /u/xchimz

On Decisions and Taking Action

  • To be able to make to make decisions, taking into account the effects on others and such effects in the future. /u/thrownkitchensink
  • Being able to delay gratification and do something you really don’t want to do. /u/table_fireplace
  • Doing things that terrify you because you have to do them out of responsibility. /u/LLment
  • Doing a tedious chore, like taking out the trash or doing the dishes, now instead of later. Not because you’re “in a cleaning mood” but because you know if you put it off, it’s only going to be worse. /u/dallashigh
  • Not getting embarrassed about necessary purchases. /u/smushy_face
  • Making room when someone is trying to move into your lane in traffic. /u/blackcatsmatter
  • Not letting the dishes “soak” over night. /u/wideawakefordays
  • Not talking in class when the professor walks in. /u/datsundere
  • Booking your own dentist appointment. /u/jo3ly
  • Gas in the tank and cash in the bank. /u/cptsasuke

On Empathy and Your Place in The World

  • Empathy. Realizing that every person is there own individual with their own experiences. Those experiences lead them to have certain beliefs and traits. Just because those differ from yours doesn’t make you or them right or wrong. [INVAH CAVEAT: This depends on if those beliefs or traits harm others.] We can all still get along. /u/cooze08
  • When you realize you’re not the center of the world and start doing things for others. Immature people have no concept of anything post their own noses. /u/budgiebum
  • I was always told “character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you” which to me sounds like a good standard for maturity. /u/yoh97
  • Recognizing that people are not one dimensional, and that a label they apply to themselves is neither the sum of who they are nor a good indicator of what they actually believe. /u/Chronoblivion

On Parents

  • Starting to doubt your parents’ decisions because you come to the realization that, just like any other person, they’re human and have flaws. /u/inmapjs
  • You become an adolescent when you realize your parents are human beings just like everyone else. You become an adult when you forgive them for it. /u/senatorskeletor [INVAH CAVEAT: Does not apply to abuse. You never have to forgive an abuser for abusing you.]

On Maturity

  • The best sign of maturity is when you realize that it has its place. Being too mature (or trying to be) is a sign of immaturity. /u/ttdpaco

Books for ENTPs

  • The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy – Douglas Adams has a delightful sense of humor and uses the most amusing metaphors.
  • Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman! – Richard Feynman is a delightful shining star of what a high-functioning, highly-accomplished, loved and respected ENTP is like.
  • The 48 Laws of Power – this one is particularly good not because it’ll turn you into some sort of amoral Machiavellian power player, but because it’ll reveal to you how some of your behaviors (thought you might’ve thought of as charming quirks) are actually abrasive and hurtful to others, and ultimately lead to suboptimal outcomes for you.
  • How To Win Friends And Influence People – There’s really no point losing friends and influence just because of the way you operate.
  • Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity. If you haven’t read it, just go through it. I have some notes here.

Where to start?

It’s a funny comic about a real problem that people have. Where do you start? You could start by trying to figure out where to start.

Start where you are. Start in the middle. Start by getting one tiny thing done, even if it isn’t the most elegant choice or the most perfect move. You want to get yourself out of your overthinking headspace and into your getting-things-done mode. Once you’ve done one little thing, you can go on to do something else.

Admiral McRaven is a man I admire for this – he’s probably not an ENTP, but he has a simple suggestion that all ENTPs could use – which is to start by making your bed every morning. Why? Because it becomes the first thing you’ve accomplished that day – a simple, mundane task. But it’ll give you a small sense of pride. You can do the second thing, and the third thing.

At worst, if you don’t accomplish anything, you’ll come home to a bed that is made – that YOU made.

Of course, you don’t want to then fall into the trap of spending your every day just doing endless cleaning of everything in your home or workspace – there’s a funny Onion article about a procrastinating surgeon who ends up cleaning the entire hospital.

Once you get your first couple of tasks done, you do want to reprioritize and figure out what your top priority is. Then do that.

Advice for Underachievers

-1-

Why am I feeling so frustrated all the time? I’m smarter and more informed than 90% of the people around me, and yet I am average in my achievements. I’m not sure why that bothers me when I’m aware that in the end we will all end up in a coffin.

There are several parts to this.

> I am smarter and more informed than 90% of the surrounding me people

First of all this is is probably unlikely. There’s probably selection bias at play here. You notice whenever people around you do dumb things, but you don’t notice when you’re the dumb one.

Second – even if this is true, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee that you will achieve great things. Achieving great things doesn’t actually require you to be in the top 10% of smartest and best-informed people. About top 30% is probably good enough. The difference between people who accomplish things and people who don’t is (mostly) grit.

> The problem is that i am not sure why that bothers me when i am awear that in the end we will all end up in a coffin

The main factor here is usually social conditioning. You probably wouldn’t care if you were the only person alive. You most likely care precisely because you hold on to the hypothesis that you’re an underachieving smart guy wasting his potential.

You could let go of the hypothesis and start over, but you’re likely attached to it because it makes you feel good about yourself in some way.

This is how people get trapped on ‘local minimas’ – if you want to achieve great things, you’re going to have to do some difficult and uncomfortable things .Things that make you look and feel pretty dumb. You’re probably not comfortable with that, and so you (statistically speaking) are most probably going to lead a mediocre life to the coffin.

It doesn’t really matter, anyway. We’re all welcome to our illusions.